I Feel Flat, Not Okay: Signs & Therapy for Emotional Numbness
- ✓I watch my life happen like it's a movie I don't care about
- ✓I haven't felt joy in so long, I can't remember what it tastes like
- ✓My partner said I'm 'never really here' and they're right
You are not broken. This is your system doing exactly what it learned to do to survive.
According to the NIMH, feelings of detachment after trauma are common—and they often signal your system is protecting you, not that you're broken.
Emotional numbness is a hypoarousal response—your nervous system's way of saying 'this is too much.' It often shows up when hypervigilance exhausts the system, flipping the switch from 'on' to 'off.' [This is the 'cold' side of trauma](/topics/trauma/), not a lack of caring.
Why Trauma Causes Emotional Numbness
Trauma isn't only the memory—it's how your nervous system learned to protect you. When your system can't sustain high-alert states, it can flip into shutdown: hypoarousal, dissociation, or emotional numbness. Research from the APA shows this is a learned protection strategy, not a character flaw. [If you're also experiencing flashbacks or nightmares](/topics/trauma/nightmares-and-flashbacks/), those are different survival responses from the same system.
Signs of Trauma Shutdown & Emotional Numbness
- •**You Feel Nothing When You Should Feel Something:** You watch sad movies, hear good news, or see your loved ones—and there's just emptiness where emotion should be.
- •**Your Body Feels Distant:** You might not notice hunger, pain, or even touch the way you used to. It's like you're wearing a suit made of fog.
- •**Memory Gaps and Fog:** You lose chunks of time or struggle to recall details about important events, not because you forgot, but because you weren't 'there' to encode them.
- •**The Shame of Being 'Broken':** You worry there's something fundamentally wrong with you for not feeling, and this shame keeps you from reaching out.
Something to try
The Warm-Up: Gentle Body Check-In (Somatic-Informed)
Place a warm hand on your chest or belly. Simply notice the sensation of warmth and gentle pressure for 60 seconds. This helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system and gently re-establishes a sense of 'here-ness' without overwhelming your shutdown state. The VA/DoD guidelines recognize body-based stabilization as effective for hypoarousal patterns.
This is a gentle knock on the door—not forcing entry. To truly reconnect with feeling, you need support that respects your system's shutdown pattern.
What to expect in therapy
Therapy for emotional numbness often starts with body-based stabilization (Somatic-Informed Care) before addressing memories. Your clinician will help you reconnect with sensation at a pace that feels safe, not force you to 'just feel.'
With the right support, you can feel like yourself again—without the overwhelm.
Ready for support that fits your pattern?
If therapy felt too intense before—or you're worried about being pushed to feel before you're ready—we match you with clinicians who specialize in the 'cold' shutdown pattern and know how to work with it gently.