I'm scared this isn't getting better: Therapy for Prolonged Grief
- ✓I keep thinking 'it's been years, why am I still like this?'
- ✓The world has moved on but I'm frozen in the moment they left
- ✓I avoid reminders because the pain is still as sharp as day one
This isn't a personal failing—your grief needs specialized support, not more time.
According to the APA, about 1 in 10 bereaved individuals develop Prolonged Grief Disorder—it's a recognized condition, not a character flaw.
Grief that doesn't soften isn't a sign you're broken—it's a sign your loss needs a different kind of support. Unlike [waves that come and go](/topics/grief/how-grief-feels/), this pattern keeps life frozen and your identity tethered to the absence. Research shows targeted therapy works when time and support groups haven't.
Why grief gets stuck: Understanding prolonged grief
Prolonged grief isn't about 'not trying hard enough'—it's a clinical pattern where the brain's natural adaptation process gets blocked by persistent avoidance and intense yearning. Studies show this creates a cycle where your nervous system stays locked in perpetual absence, unable to update your mental model of the world without the person (Shear et al., 2005). This is different from [waves of integrated grief](/topics/grief/how-grief-feels/)—it's a persistent state that shrinks your world.
Signs you're dealing with prolonged grief
- •**Time Feels Frozen:** Months or years later, the pain is as sharp as day one, and you wonder why you're not 'over it.'
- •**Intense Yearning:** You can't stop reaching for them, searching for them, or feeling their absence as a physical pull.
- •**Life Keeps Shrinking:** You avoid people, places, and activities that remind you of the loss, making your world smaller.
- •**The Shame of Not 'Moving On':** You feel like a burden, broken, or like you're disappointing everyone by staying stuck.
Something to try
The 'One Memory' Practice (CGT-Informed)
Set a timer for 5 minutes. Bring up one memory you've been avoiding. Let yourself feel what you feel, then gently close the memory by saying 'I can carry this piece today.' This practice, used in Complicated Grief Therapy, helps your brain begin integrating the loss instead of staying in avoidance. (Shear et al., 2005)
This is like physical therapy for grief—one session won't rebuild strength, but guided practice can restore your capacity to live alongside the loss.
What to expect in therapy
Therapy for prolonged grief focuses on carefully addressing avoidance and yearning. Your clinician might use Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT), which includes revisiting the loss story, or CBT techniques to reduce avoidance. Sessions feel structured but compassionate—like having a guide for territory that feels impossible to navigate alone.
With the right support, you can carry your loss without it carrying you away—and find moments of connection and meaning again.
Ready for support that fits?
If you've tried therapy before and it didn't help, or if 'move on' advice only made you feel worse, you don't need more willpower—you need a clinician trained in prolonged grief. Our matching accounts for your specific loss, timeline, and stuck points.