Time Doesn’t Heal Everything: Grief Support for Your Specific Needs
Grief is what happens when someone (or something) that shaped your daily life is gone—and your mind keeps reaching for them anyway. It often feels like living with an absence: time warps, ordinary moments sting, and waves of emotion can hit even when you think you’re steady.
Relief starts when you stop trying to 'do grief correctly' and get matched to a specialist who understands exactly what is keeping you stuck.
Important
- • Thoughts of wanting to die to 'join' the person who died, or feeling life is meaningless without them.
- • Inability to function (eat, sleep, work) for days or weeks at a time.
- • Using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain to the point of impairment.
If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services right now. If you are thinking about self-harm, call a crisis line in your region or go to the nearest emergency department.
Why generic grief advice fails
Generic advice assumes everyone needs the same thing at the same time. But clinical research distinguishes between two very different experiences:
- Person A (Integrated Grief): The grief is brutal and comes in waves, but over time, there are openings—moments of connection and a gradual return to functioning. - Person B (Prolonged Grief): The grief stays persistently intense and disabling for over a year (adults). Symptoms include intense yearning, identity disruption, and feeling that life is meaningless (APA, 2022).
Matching matters because 'Person B' often requires targeted evidence-based care (like Complicated Grief Treatment) which has been shown to be more effective than standard talk therapy for stuck grief (Shear et al., 2005).
What brings you here today?
Choose what resonates most—we’ll match you to the right kind of support.
It hits me in waves →
You can be okay for a moment—then a memory or an empty place knocks the air out of you. This is often 'integrated grief' that needs support, not fixing.
I’m scared this isn’t getting better →
It’s not just sadness—it’s a persistent pull backward, with intense yearning and an inability to re-engage with life long after the loss (Prolonged Grief).
I can’t tell if it’s grief or depression →
Grief centers on longing and the loss; depression looks like pervasive hopelessness and loss of interest. They often overlap.
Certain dates undo me →
Anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays can feel like a minefield. The 'worse again' feeling is normal, but painful.
I can’t sleep since the loss →
Night can amplify the absence, leading to rumination and insomnia—which makes the grief harder to carry during the day.
I think I need professional therapy →
You don’t need to justify the size of your grief to get help. Evidence-based options exist for both recent and long-held losses.
How grief shows up
We often see grief as **absence** you keep bumping into—reaching for your phone to text them, or noticing the quiet where their voice used to be.
We also see physical symptoms: fatigue, brain fog ('grief brain'), and changes in appetite. When grief becomes **prolonged**, the focus shifts to intense, disabling yearning, avoidance of reminders, and a sense that part of your identity died with them (APA, 2022).
What people get wrong
"“If it still hurts, I’m not healing.”"
Grief often comes in waves. Feeling pain months or years later, especially on anniversaries, is a normal part of accommodation, not a failure.
"“Closure is the goal.”"
Most evidence-based therapy focuses on 'integration'—learning to carry the loss while engaging in life—rather than 'closure' or forgetting.
"“Strong grief is just depression.”"
Grief is specific to the loss; depression is broad and pervasive. While they can overlap, they are distinct clinical experiences.
"“Time heals all wounds.”"
Time helps, but for 'stuck' or prolonged grief, specific therapy (like CGT) is significantly more effective than time or generic support alone.
When grief goes unaddressed
Unaddressed grief can calcify into avoidance—shrinking your world to avoid painful triggers.
It also impacts the body: chronic sleep disruption and immune system stress are common. In relationships, the pressure to 'move on' can create silence and distance between people who are grieving the same loss differently.
What you can try right now
These tools can help you ride out a wave in the moment—but if you need them constantly, consider professional support.
Name the wave
Try: “This is a grief wave.” Place a hand on your chest, feel the physical sensation, and remind yourself: “This is intense, but it will crest and fall.”
Two-sentence permission
Write: “Of course this hurts—this mattered.” Then: “I’m allowed to take today in smaller pieces.” Validate the pain so you don't have to fight it.
The 'Safe Container'
If memories are flooding you at work, visualize putting them in a container. Tell yourself: “I will open this at 7 PM,” giving you a boundary for the day.
The Sleep Anchor
Pick one simple routine (tea, a specific book, dim lights) to signal safety to your body, even if sleep itself is fragmented.
If these help a little, keep them. If you are surviving purely on coping mechanisms, it’s time to get matched.
Ready to feel less alone in this?
Grief can be isolating—especially when the world seems to have moved on. Start the questionnaire so your match reflects your loss, your triggers, and what’s actually keeping you stuck.
If the match doesn’t feel right, we’ll help you find another—on us.
Begin Your Match