Intimacy and Sex Therapy, Tailored to Your Comfort Level
Intimacy struggles usually show up before you have the words—avoiding, going through the motions, or feeling far away while you’re right there together. Whether it’s desire that has gone quiet, performance pressure, pain, or the impact of past trauma, sexual health isn't just about 'no problems'—it's about physical, mental, and social well-being (WHO, 2006/2024).
When you’re matched to someone who understands your root driver—not just your symptoms—sex stops feeling like a test and starts feeling like connection again.
Why generic sex advice fails
Generic advice assumes everyone is struggling for the same reason—so it prescribes 'spicing it up' when what you might need is safety, or 'relaxing' when you need medical answers.
Person A (The Monitoring Loop): Desire is there, but the moment turns into performance: scanning your body, worrying about your partner, and trying to 'make it happen.' Here, support must target anxiety loops and self-talk (CBT-informed work) rather than just technique (Kane et al., 2019).
Person B (The Access Gap): The issue isn’t effort—it’s access. Desire doesn’t show up, or your body tenses/hurts. This profile requires looking at root drivers like stress, hormones, medication effects (NHS, 2022), or pelvic floor factors (ACOG, 2016).
That’s why matching matters: two people can both say 'I don't want sex,' but one needs anxiety support while the other needs trauma-informed or pain-aware care.
What brings you here today?
Select what resonates most—we’ll match you accordingly.
I want to want it—but I don’t →
Low desire can feel isolating, but it's often a physiological or contextual response, not a character flaw. We check for drivers like stress, mood, relationship strain, or medication effects (NHS, 2022) to match you to the right help.
We don’t want it the same amount →
Mismatched desire is a common pressure point that turns intimacy into negotiation. Matching focuses on your cycle as a couple—pursuit, withdrawal, and pressure—rather than 'who is wrong.'
In the moment, my mind panics →
Performance anxiety hijacks arousal—your thoughts get loud, and your body starts monitoring. We match for approaches that reduce pressure and help you retrain your attention away from 'grading' yourself.
I feel shame when it comes to sex →
Sexual shame can make desire feel unsafe or 'wrong.' The right therapist helps you separate your values from old scripts so you can find a version of intimacy that feels authentic.
Sex hurts—or I’m afraid it will →
Pain changes everything: anticipation, trust, and arousal. Matching prioritizes coordinated care—supporting you through medical evaluation (if needed) and breaking the fear-avoidance cycle (ACOG, 2016).
I avoid intimacy because it’s easier →
Avoidance protects you from pressure, pain, or vulnerability—but it widens the distance. We help you identify what you are avoiding so you can move at a pace that feels safe, not forced.
How intimacy issues show up
Intimacy struggles often manifest as a mix of desire and self-protection. You might want closeness, but your body braces, goes numb, or panic sets in. For some, libido stops showing up on demand—influenced by stress, hormones, or relationship tension (NHS, 2022).
We also see the relational impact: sex becomes a 'test' of the relationship, leading to avoidance of even non-sexual touch. When pain is present, the anticipation of pain can create a feedback loop of tension and fear (ACOG, 2016).
What people get wrong
"“If I loved my partner more, desire would come back.”"
Desire is complex and influenced by physiology, stress, medication, and context—low libido is rarely just about 'how much you love someone' (NHS, 2022).
"“If sex is painful, I should just push through.”"
Pain is a signal. Pushing through conditions your body to fear intimacy. Proper care often involves pelvic floor awareness and medical rule-outs, not just 'relaxing' (ACOG, 2016).
"“Performance anxiety means something is broken.”"
Performance anxiety is a common 'worry loop' where monitoring kills arousal. Psychological interventions (like CBT) are effective at breaking this loop (Kane et al., 2019).
"“Sex therapy is only for extreme cases.”"
Sex therapy is simply specialized talk therapy for common human issues like mismatch, boredom, anxiety, and pain.
When it goes unaddressed
Relationship Drift:: Avoidance of sex often bleeds into avoidance of affection, creating a 'roommate' dynamic.
Self-Esteem:: Ongoing performance anxiety or pain can lead to feelings of brokenness or shame.
Health:: Sexual health is a marker of overall well-being; ignoring changes can miss underlying medical or psychological needs.
What you can try right now
These steps can help lower the pressure immediately, but if the pattern persists, specialized support is the next step.
Take “goal sex” off the table
Agree to a period (e.g., one week) where intimacy is allowed to be affectionate—touch, kissing, holding—without any expectation of it leading to sex. This breaks the pressure loop.
Name the anxiety loop
If you feel your mind grading you, say it: “My mind is getting loud/anxious right now.” Externalizing the thought can stop it from hijacking your arousal.
Downshift the pressure (2-minute reset)
Place a hand on your chest and belly. Slow your exhale for 6–10 breaths. Notice where you are bracing. This signals safety to your nervous system.
If it hurts: stop, don't push
Pain is information. If you experience pain, pause. Pushing through reinforces the pain cycle. Consider this a sign to seek evaluation, not to try harder.
If these help occasionally, great. If you find yourself back here again tomorrow, that’s a sign it’s time for a matched specialist.
Ready for a better kind of help?
Intimacy issues tend to make people feel alone. The questionnaire helps us understand what’s actually happening in your moments of closeness—physically and emotionally—so you’re matched to someone who won’t oversimplify it.
If your match doesn’t feel right, we’ll find another—on us.
Begin Your Match